Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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