I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
