im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
