woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So many bounce houses so little time
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
