Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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