I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
