After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
