My nipple is on Facebook.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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