I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying