she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
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I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.