you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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