i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!