You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So vagazzling was a success