She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
