i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm always down for nudity.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
