is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Boobs are out for the taking
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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