11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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