I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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