The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
