I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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