I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
bring money and cleavage
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
