alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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