if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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