Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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