He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
