All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
