This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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