I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
