First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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