Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
