The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
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PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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