He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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