I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize