u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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