I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
