She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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