You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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