HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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