you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
