note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
