When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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