sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
