The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
