There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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