I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
