Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
