her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
