god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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