I hope mine doesn't look like that
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
