Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
