im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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