i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize