I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
