This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
