We won't sleep together?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
