when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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