I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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