I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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