so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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