He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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