Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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