That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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My dick has a subreddit
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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