I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
