I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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