I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
