I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
