just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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