i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
