im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
