I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
