Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
